The Alchemist of Netley Abbey

By Cassandra Clark.

As the gang rides home from Salisbury (in the wrong direction), some mercenaries attack them, causing Herbert de Courcy to break his leg. From there he’s ferried to Netley Abbey where a group of pilgrims is waiting to board the St Marie to continue on to their destination, and a somewhat batty Welsh monk, Hywel, is conducting somewhat batty experiments.

“All right,” said Hildegard, “where’s the body?”

It’s Brother Martin, who happened to be on the ship when it got struck by lightning, although that didn’t kill him, but rather poison did.

Meanwhile, the sluice running beneath the kitchen which the monks use to trap fish has got blocked.

“It’ll be a body,” said Hywel, and everyone else agreed, although they tried not to look at Hildegard in case they were next to meet with an untimely end.

Indeed it was. There’s no point in being coy about it.

Meanwhile, the sickly Mistress Beata makes it known that she has access to the book which Hywel has been waiting for, but she’s being as medieval version of ebay to screw money out of her husband, which she gives to the acrobatic Alaric so that he can become a monk.

And with that, the gang start sailing home.

I was hoping this would be the last in the series, but it isn’t. The relationship between Hildegard and Hubert hasn’t been resolved, but there’s plenty of sneaky snogging, and Hildegard is frequently naked (because of the unusually hot weather; honest). The story has a couple of twists to it with the vague possibility that the prostitute Delith might reappear in a future tale.

The spelling is all over the place at times, from the misspelling of “travelled” and “travelling” to mixed instances of “sceptical” in close proximity to each other, to the outright misspellings of “fiery” and “nothing”. “Militia” ([collective noun] “group of weapon-wielding yokels”) is often used for a single member of the group in the same way ignorant hacks use “forces” (uncountable; yes, I know that’s morphologically ironic) as if it means “soldiers” (countable entities) before the correct “militiamen” is employed. “HQ”? In the Middle Ages? I think not. “Pimp”? What is this? Some tacky American film from the 70s? O tempora, o lack of appropriate heroic diction!

I assume Clark is perhaps working on the next volume, but though she lacks George Martin’s flatulent verbosity, she should, I think, bring the whole thing to an end before Hildegard ends up being a one-woman plague, mowing down people from one end of England to another.

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One thought on “The Alchemist of Netley Abbey”

  1. Must read at least one of Hildegard’s adventures soon. Currently reading Con Iggulden’s latest “Darien” which is probably best described as fantasy.

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