It’s curvy and wet

It’s around thirty years since I read the first three books in the Riverworld series which I can remember well enough to know that this rendering (and by that I’m inclining to mean the breaking down or pulling apart of something) has stripped the stories to their barest essentials. For books as rich as the Riverworld series, a low budget TVM was a waste of time.

Beyond Sherwood Forest.
This ought to have been subtitled “The SG1 Extras’ Reunion” because more than one member of the cast was either a bit-part or extra in SG1, and the director was Peter Deluise. This is one of those DVDs which you should throw at your enemies not because it’ll hurt them physically, but because no one would like to be pelted with this sort of half-witted drivel. Oh the humiliation.

St Trinian’s 2. The Legend of Fritton’s Gold.
I know of St Trinian’s by name only since I’ve seen neither Ronald Searle’s original work or any of the other films. Thus I have no point of comparison, but must judge this on its own merits or lack of them.
Back in the 16th century when 18th century ships of the line were sailing around, a notorious pirate, Fritton, pops by to swash his buckle and departs with the threat that Lord Pomfrey will track down the treasure one day.
At modern day St Trinian’s, the girls are arriving for the new school year. I don’t know whether Searle had his characters in tribes, but with the Americanisation of the UK, I don’t imagine schools there are without their tribes: airheads, chavs, geeks, emos, etc. Someone is discovered to have sneaked into the library in search of a ring for which she’s been offered £20,000 to recover. After failed negotiations, the modern Lord Pomfrey, the head of a secret, misogynistic organisation, sends in commandoes to get the ring. After the first wave is beaten off (no, that’s not a double entendre), the second succeeds, and Lord Pomfrey is triumphant.
There is, however, a second ring which the girls track down to a boys’ school before going after the first ring. Once joined, the rings lead our heroines to the Globe Theatre where they find that Fritton was not only a woman, but also Shakespeare, and the treasure which she left behind was her last play. (Educational message in there somewhere. Boys would’ve left gold, but boys, as any fule do kno, are stupid.)
It seems that Lord Pomfrey has won the day and is sailing off down the Thames when the girls, having commandeered their own vessel, retrieve the manuscript and blast his vessel out of the water.
Potentially a decent enough story, but probably would’ve been better set 50-60 years ago when grrl power would’ve been subversive and the antithesis in expected and actual behaviour different. This lot aren’t really different at all.

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