What do you do when you’re out of gum?

Kick Ass.
Dave is a typical schoolboy, but when he gets his lunch money stolen once again, he decides to fight back and becomes Kick Ass. But when he does step in, he gets knifed and run over. Once he recovers, the girl he fancies, Katie, misinterpreting his post-heroic nudity, promotes him to her gay best friend.
 
After Dave dons his Kick Ass suit again, he intervenes in a gang brawl, which is filmed and uploaded to YouTube, making Kick Ass famous. Katie asks Kick Ass to deal with an abusive boyfriend, which is when Hit Girl and Big Daddy enter the picture. Unfortunately for Dave, local crime boss, Frank d’Amico, thinks Kick Ass is responsible.
 
But after Frank’s son, Chris, poses as a superhero called Red Mist, they find that Kick Ass can’t be behind the attacks on Frank’s henchmen and use Dave to get to Big Daddy and Hit Girl.
 
Kick Ass and Big Daddy get beaten up live until Hit Girl arrives to save them. Big Daddy dies from his burns and it’s time to take out the trash.
 
Hit Girl ploughs her way through Frank’s bodyguard, but when she runs out of ammo, things look bad until Kick Ass flies in on a jet pack with shoulder-mounted Gatling guns. In the ensuing fights, Kick Ass battles Red Mist (draw when they simultaneously knock each other unconscious) while Hit Girl fights Frank d’Amico and is about to buy it when Kick Ass turns up with a bazooka and blows Frank out of the window with an explosion as a satisfying denouement.
 
So justice is done, Dave gets the girl, and Hit Girl goes to school.
 
It’s cartoon violence, but now with added adult dialogue and an eleven-year-old superhero. It’s a laugh if you’re not a Daily Mail reader or some other species of hysterical reactionary.
 
Weak point: Katie. Didn’t seem to be any good reason for the character. Redeeming feature: none of that usual, faux dislike of the boy when he reveals that he’s not gay after he’s seen her naked.

Amelia.
A biopic about Amelia Earhart, whose wikipedia page appears to be blocked from here. Seems to have been a vanity project for Hilary Swank. Little bloodless. The final part of the film where Amelia and her husband have that one last loaded conversation was inept. We all know that she disappeared in the Pacific, but the implicit we-ain’t-never-gonna-see-each-other-again dialogue laid it on a bit thick. By the end, I was wanting the aliens to beam her aboard the mother ship.

Catwoman.
I know this was meant to be bad film, but I was curious to see it for myself. The first copy I bought many years ago didn’t work in my DVD player. It’s not cult bad, but it is bad enough. Batgirl, sorry, Catwoman, works in the art department of a cosmetics company. Her boss yells at her and makes her stay after school to redo some art. When she goes to the secret laboratory to deliver the artwork herself, she discovers that the company’s newest product turns women into mutants unless they keep taking it. Anyway, Batgirl gets flushed down the toilet and when she comes to life, she’s been turned into Catwoman.
Hilarity, kinky leather gear, and a whip ensue. Sharon Stone turns out to be the bad guy with stone skin (10 mins. per level, which means she’s a level 1 witch). There’s a big fight. Sharon falls to her terrible demise.
Well, I’ve seen it. It wasn’t there to entertain. It wasn’t there to educate. It was just there.
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