The pain; the pain

The Oxford Murders.

One day Frodo Baggins decided to go to Oxford to work with Caligula (and if you get that reference, you’re at least as old as I am). When he arrived in Oxford, his landlady got murdered, which made him run around the town looking very alarmed or as if he’d got a spike stuck up his bottom. But though he looked like a startled hobbit, all the girls instantly wanted him, including the mad one who’d killed the landlady in the first place. Caligula, who thought he was so clever, couldn’t tell Frodo what the third symbol in the series was, but he pretended that he knew. Then the man with the weird face crashed the bus full of involuntary organ donors.

Inspector Morse might’ve been able to do something with this, but Frodo Baggins and Caligula should’ve stayed in Hobbiton and Rome.


Just Add Water.

No, just add acid, destroy the DVD and get awarded an OBE for services to the entertainment industry.


Chaos Theory.

An efficiency expert’s day goes completely awry. His wife thinks he’s been cheating on her, but as a consequence, he learns that she cheated on him. But it all ends happily – unless you paid to watch this at the cinema.

Appendix. The news from the world of recent DVD purchases isn’t all bad. The seventh series of Scrubs was tolerable, but probably only because this is the first time I will’ve seen it in about two years. Haven’t seen the fifth and sixth series, which must be when they acquired all the babies and Dr Cox got a hairpiece.

I’ve kind of lost interest in American TV series recently. I think I watched one episode of Bones and didn’t care whether I saw another or not. I tried to watch my way through a few episodes of 30 Rock, but stopped and haven’t been inclined to resume watching. Drop the Dead Donkey was much better. I also tried an episode of How I met your mother, but realised long before it was over that I was at least ten or fifteen years beyond the age demographic for what appears to be a fairly mediocre, paint-by-numbers sitcom. Even Six Feet Under got abandoned some time ago, although it deserves better treatment.

Unfortunately, almost all the British telly that appears on DVD in China is BBC documentaries, apart from Dr Who and Torchwood. I guess the only way I’ll see something like Life on Mars or its sequel is to buy the overpriced, non-pirated DVD set.

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