‘Cos Grendel’s mum was a hot babe

I’m sure it’s in the poem.

Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mum in BeowulfThe more I read about the upcoming Beowulf film (release date 16th), the worse it sounds. Angel­ina Jolie as Grendel’s hot monster mum? Even with prosthetics and CGI, she’s still going to end up being a sexy, insane mon­ster rather than some wart-adorned, kitten-crunching demon. [31.08.14. As you can see from the picture, the wardrobe budget amounted to a small tin of gold paint; the CGI was a tail.] A character called Olaf? Don’t remember him in Beowulf at all. Drehgbearn? Are you serious? That’s not even a name, let alone a character in the poem. Ursula and Estrith? Don’t tell me. Heorot has become a pole dancing bar populated by Swedish hotties.

From trivia on the IMDb page for the film it says

Screenwriters Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary began writing the script in May 1997.

Oh well, I suppose it takes time to make a decent, total mess of some­thing. Sounds like ten years well spent. Likely highlights:

  1. Winged or horned helmets.
  2. Men in leather shorts.
  3. Testosterone.
  4. Mock Shakespearian dialogue intermingled with American idioms.
  5. Weirdly enunciated English.
  6. Americans trying to do British accents.
  7. Monologuing by Grendel and/or his mother.

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