Eat your mooncakes!
It’s the Mid Autumn Festival (中秋节) today, when Chang E (嫦娥) comes down from the moon with her vampire rabbit, which feasts on the blood of the living, while she sucks (I think that’s what it said) the brains out of all the men who have treated their wives and girlfriends badly over the past year. (She’s quite busy in other words.) She can only be be fought off by Robin Hood (aka Hou Yi; actually, he throws mooncakes at her). [Do you even have the faintest idea what the Mid Autumn Festival is about? –ed.]