Mr Bamboo has been watching…


In the long-standing tradition of buying DVDs of movies which are crap, this one joins the pile. It’s not the worst crap film ever; in fact, I might be more kindly disposed to it if it wasn’t marred by a lot of stutter (especially near the end where the robots are trying to have sex; or kill each other; probably much the same thing when you’re a robot).

So there’s a cube and there’s a bad robot who was put in a fridge in 1903 and then hidden under Hoover Dam when it could’ve been swept under the rug and there’s a sentient car and his friends who want to stop the bad robot. There’s also a dork and some Hot Girl with a Past™.

Did anyone stop to ask how it is that a bunch of robots from another planet adopted the forms of vehicles to be found on the roads of America before they even arrived? How is it that the good robots and bad robots have themed guises? “We must co-ordinate!”

This should’ve been a feature length cartoon, but I’m sure it kept the Transformers generation happy.


Steve Buscemi plays a washed-up political reporter who’s sent to interview vacuous Hollywood starlet played by Sienna Miller. This is an arty project from Buscemi, which meant the budget barely stretched beyond him and Miller appearing on screen. If it started life as a stage play, it should’ve stayed on the stage.

There will be people who think this is a great film portraying the relation­ship between luvvies and the media etc. I wasn’t in the mood to watch a film like this.

Pathfinders. Unrated.

Well, this is definitely a film for the bad crap pile. There’s a Scandinavian boy who’s adopted by a tribe of Indians who are then attacked by the least realistic Vikings ever. Dark, arty (oh dear, there’s that word again) cinema­tography; minimal plot; no character development.

Recommendation: destroy all copies with a flame thrower wherever you find them.

Silent Hill.

The film of the video game. Although I’ve never played the game itself, this is clearly a much better effort than, say, Doom was.

Silent Hill is a Village of the Damned™, where the local fanatics decided to barbecue a girl accused of being a witch. But the girl survives and some sort of dark spirit comes to aid her revenge. Mrs Hysterical Mother has a daughter who sleep walks, draws disturbing pictures, and bears a re­sem­blance to Little Miss Barbecue. She goes to Silent Hill where she runs around a lot (especially in dark places), shouts (when she should perhaps be silent – like the hill), and gets chased by creatures spawned in the pits of Hell (or fanatics).

In the end, the remains of the little girl rise from the depths and everyone gets sliced and diced by barbed wire.

There’s also the necessary explanatory ending, but the film will mean more to people who have played the game itself.


2 thoughts on “Mr Bamboo has been watching…”

  1. Like your site. Chock full of meat and little gristle.As for INTERVIEW, it’s a remake of a film by the late Theo Van Gogh. You know: the whole family art lineage, etc. He was also assassinated by a beardy thug named Mohammed Bouyeri, in Amsterdam, in 2004. His throat was slit. We all know how some beardys get their panties in a knot about anyone questioning their superstition. Oops, I mean "religion."Ever see Buscemi’s TREES LOUNGE? Now THAT is a thoroughly satisfying film.

  2. Thanks for the comment. I didn’t know the background to Interview, but I remember the story about Theo Van Gogh.
    I’m sure I’ve seen Trees Lounge. That’s the one where Buscemi is in a sort of weird relationship with a girl about half his age, isn’t it? I also quite liked Ghost World where he plays the same kind of role again.

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