Some people pay money for them to be made. Suckers

Vlad.

Cheap indie film starring Billy Zane. Four research students trek across Transylvania, tracing the steps of Vlad the Impaler and lugging round an amulet that first conjures up some hot babe from medieval Oxford and then Vlad himself from the limbo in which he exists between life and death.

Obviously, the cheap indie film could only afford Zane for a certain number of scenes because he gets killed off along with various other supporting actors (including Guy Siner who played Lieutenant Grüber in ‘Allo ‘Allo). Our medieval maid obviously worked out, cleaned her teeth and flossed, and only used natural hair care products for that lustre and bounce that you could only get in the Middle Ages.

Unfortunately, this film is probably a sign of things to come because I bought it having seen it in the shop several times. For want of anything else worth getting at the moment, there are likely to be reviews of more of these B-movies in coming weeks.


Fay Grim.

From what I read on the IMDb, this is meant to be a somewhat belated sequel to a film made in about the mid 90s. Fay’s husband was a spy who has disappeared. She manages to track him down, but the film ends with him in a boat crossing the Straits of the Bosphorus. It’s a bit incoherent and rambling, but might make more sense if you’ve seen the first film.

I think it’s possibly meant to be a comedy. Well, all the spies, including Jeff Goldblum, get blown up. Hilarious. All right, I need to check the meaning of “hilarious”. I think the maker of the film should’ve done the same.

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